Just another Douchebag!

I was feeling sad. I am feeling sad. It's not passed yet. Or, is it? Now, I am definitely confused. So does that means I am not sad anymore.  Before anything else, I think, I should introduce myself to my written self? 

I am a human, who is hypnotized, but want to be free of my hallucinations. I  know what's better for me, but still I choose not to do it. This actually brings up an interesting question. At least interesting enough for me, question is, "If you know the future, and you know it's not going to be good for you. Shouldn't you try and change it? 

I feel like, everyone knows their Future, we can see what's written in our destiny. Maybe because we write it or we have the power to change it. So, I can see my future. 

Well it's a bold fucking claim!! I know!!!

I am not any special wizard or sorcerer or anything, How? I will explain later in blog. 

Does it make me a degenerate if I already knows  the result and still does that same thing? Maybe we can say it depends on the result. How bad actually it is. If I know, my actions will cause someone's Death, then yeah, I agree that do make me a degenerate. 

Why do we always have to do the correct thing? Well we should do the correct thing, but very few people actually does it. I am not in the minorities here. Pretty Sure of that!!

We are living in the best and worst of times. We all are afraid to be alone. Want to hold hands. Want to hug our loved one's because we're afraid. We're afraid to die alone. But that's how everyone dies.

Alone!! But it's a topic for another day. 

I just want to think something on typing. Why? Why do I do it? Is their a lack of self love? Am I punishing myself by destroying myself? Or I just have no aspirations to do anything and I don't care at this point for result.  

Maybe it's none of them and I am just tired and need rest. But tired of what? My lifestyle? Myself? Physically Tired? Mentally Tired? 

More like Mentally Retarded at this point.

Maybe it's all of the reasons. Plus lot's and lot's of guilts and regrets and anger. Well, Why doesn't life have any restart switch? 

And why I can't forgive anyone? Not even myself? Am I incapable of granting forgiveness? Why do I have to hold everything in? It's really heavy. I don't want to. I am tired. 

No maybe this time. I know this one for a fact. I deserve anything and everything which happens to me. I am just a shitty person.  Just another Douchebag!!